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[pics] Grooby Travels North to Gender Odyssey


by Kristel Penn

I have returned from Seattle’s sunshine (it’s actually quite nice during the summer) and feeling pumped up from attending the Gender Odyssey Professional Conference. Both personally and professionally, I think it’s important to educate ourselves on  trans-specific issues and topics that relevant to the people in our industry. As an LGBTQ identified person, this conference was a really important opportunity for me to support my community.

From the official website:
Gender Odyssey’s conference programming is focused on the needs and interests of transgender and gender non-conforming people from across North America and around the world. Gender Odyssey is a place where we can gather together, learn from one another, and celebrate our growing communities. By creating a place where we can share our collective experience, Gender Odyssey’s primary objective is to offer tools to navigate obstacles and provide pathways to individual and community empowerment.

I wish I could have stayed in Seattle longer to connect with friends, but it just means I’ll need to come back again soon!


Ready to start the day – I thought my pin seemed a relevant choice for the conference.


All badged up and ready for the Gender Odyssey Professional Conference!

Grooby at Gender Odyssey

First panel of the day!


The first workshop I attended discussed the obstacles many trans and gender-nonconforming people face with receiving transition-related care. Even after big decisions have been made, a scarier question becomes more apparent: how will I pay for the medical services I’m seeking? The landscape for this topic was quite vast and there was no way for the panelists to cover everything extensively, but they did discuss the Affordable Care Act, private insurance, Medicaid and Medi-cal, to name a few. The main takeaway from this session was to keep submitting paperwork to have procedures covered even when you are denied the first time.  In the photo above, you can read short bios about the panelists. I also encourage you to visit and support their organizations.

Another workshop that was of particular interest to me was titled Transition Part 2: Maintaining Relationships. Speaker Ryan K. Sallans discussed the his own gender transition and how it affected his partner at the time.  When they first met, Ryan identified as a lesbian as did his partner, and Ryan’s eventual transition was a conflicted place for his partner because of her own identity.

This sparked a thought provoking (and lively) discussion about the journey a partner goes through when the other is transitioning. I remember someone compared part of the experience as grieving, which I thought was an interesting point to make. Sallans noted how the stress of the transition can be hard for both people in the relationship and that partners often find themselves in an advocate/educator role with others while providing the bulk of the emotional support to their transitioning spouse.

Near the end of the day, I sat in on workshop called Complicated Case Studies, which discussed the complex variables that accompany a single person’s journey and how it makes it difficult for providers to know what issues/areas to tackle (when or even if). The roundtable conversatio included many mental health professionals who discussed their challenges and takeaways, all with the intention of asking and learning helpful ways to support their trans patients. It was a heartwarming to see so many therapists and case workers discussing how they can better service their trans clients in a way that was sincere and affirming.



Time for a drink!  Afterwards, my friend and I (who was also in town for conference) headed down to Seattle’s famous gay area: Capitol Hill. This was a cool sign to see out front at one of the bars we passed by.

Capitol Hill - Grooby

Ahhh! Just like being back in Los Angeles. Except I was surrounded by nice people.


I don’t drink alcohol from a can – unless the packaging is pretty. Also, this was delicious.


Post-drink, we headed down to the famous Elliott Bay Bookstore after saw a very eclectic collection of items in their LGBT section. I also spotted Dave Naz’s book, Genderqueer: and other Gender Identities , on the shelf!


Aw, thanks Seattle! You’re so sweet.


All in all, it was an amazing trip. Hope to see you again soon, Seattle.

[Pic Re-Cap] Stockroom and Grooby Team Up for ‘Trans Talk’ Panel

Trans Talk hosted at Stockroom University

by Kristel Penn

This weekend Stockroom hosted their first ‘Trans Talk’ panel as part of their weekly series, Stockroom University. Head Mistress Hudsy Hawn approached me a few months ago to pitch the original idea and she asked what I thought and if Grooby would be interested working together to put this on. I’m pretty sure I told Hudsy a resounding “YES” before she could even finish her entire pitch to me. So special thanks and recognition goes to Hudsy Hawn for all of her hard work. She was a pleasure to work with and she did a fantastic job with everything.

Got to see lots of old and new friends, which is one of my favorite things about doing events like these. Saw one of my all-time favorites, Kelly Shibari, who was accompanied by 2015 TEA sponsor Stephanie Berman from Semenette,  Eddie Wood and his cutie pie BF (note: apparently people kept mixing us both up because he’s also short and dapper), and 2015 TEA winner Chance Armstrong (who was accompanied by a very cool friend of mine),  just name a few.

Special thanks also to our panelists: Buck Angel, Morgan Bailey, Tori Mayes, and Michelle Austin. They all were amazing and I’m so proud of the work they’re doing to educate and inspire others. Please continue to support them and their future endeavors!

Thanks to my partner in crime, Sparky Snakeden, for heading down with me to Stockroom early to help set up and keeping things running smoothly behind the scenes.

Much appreciated to Dan Miller from XBIZ on the awesome write up! Read it here!


If there’s an opportunity to be weirdos, please know we’ll be weirdos.



Michelle Austin posing in our limited edition Grooby Girls summer tank top!



Goodies from our panelists and Grooby!


Pre-panel pictures with Sparky Snakeden, Morgan Bailey, and Chance Armstrong!

Trans Talk

Pretty much sums up our personalities.




‘Trans Talk’ focused on each panelists’ individual story and then we discussed topics like pronouns, terminology in/out of the adult industry, body positivity, how to be a trans ally, and how the experience of being trans varies so greatly from person to person. Hudsy then opened up the panel to Q&A from the audience.







I obviously had a good day.

Systemic Transmisogyny Inherent in the Legal System

Systemic Transmisogyny Inherent in the Legal System
by Victoria Darling

In 2012, Brittany Carpenter thought she was doing a friend on a fixed income a favor. She sold 20 Vicodin to someone who turned out to be an informant. Brittany is a transgender woman who began her journey in 2004, about a month after she turned 18. She ended up serving five months in a men’s correctional facility: a halfway house because she is transgender, and is currently on three years’ probation during which she needs to submit to a urinalysis to test for illegal drug use. She was provided a private restroom and shower during her confinement and even though she was housed with men, she said that she had no negative experiences. “The director of the facility was gay, so he told everyone if they gave me one issue they would be sent out to prison,” she told me. “The male staff wasn’t allowed to touch me or search me in anyway.” She said that “was allowed to have females only to search me and do my drug tests.”

As a condition of her probation she still needs to submit to drug testing every three months until October 31st of 2015. “In the three years I’ve been on probation, I’ve always been allowed to use the woman’s restroom without someone watching me,” she stated. This suddenly changed on June 16th, 2015. “This time I was forced to go to the men’s restroom and take a drug test while both male probation officer’s watched me. When I requested for a female and to use the female restroom I was told, that I was a man, that I may be a woman in my head but I was still a man, and was told [I couldn’t] have a female [officer present]. When I mentioned that I have used the women’s restroom for the past three years he said that he didn’t care. I had to leave the stall door open and mind you, it’s a public male restroom.”

This kind of incident is not uncommon, and herein lies the problem. The internet is full of reports in which trans women who are housed in men’s correctional facilities experience transmisogyny, violence, and even rape. Cee Cee McDonald was sentenced to a men’s prison for simply defending herself against a male attacker. In February 2013, Leslie Ann Manning –another trans woman incarcerated in a men’s facility– reported being raped by a fellow inmate who threatened to kill her if she reported it. In a lawsuit filed against the State of New York, Manning said that prison officials showed a “deliberate indifference” in failing to protect her from her attacker. There are dozens more instances where law enforcement personnel completely ignore the rights of trans women, and this needs to change. Additionally, since a disproportionate number of trans women are part of the sex work industries, it stands to reason that trans women run a greater risk of incarceration in men’s correctional facilities.

But Brittany Carpenter wasn’t engaged in sex work at all. She was trying to sell a friend’s excess medication to help that friend out. When asked if she had any prior arrests, she said: “Nope. I was a good girl. [It was] just this one thing. My life revolves around my children so I don’t look for trouble.” When asked about the incident on June 16th , Carpenter stated the attending officer “said that I was a man, that I may be a woman in my head but I was still a man, therefore I couldn’t have a female officer [watch me take the test]… I’m terrified just thinking about going back there. Because of this I am now on anti-depression medication as well as having to seek counseling again. I cannot control my crying. I can’t sleep. I feel as I was raped, raped of all my dignity and pride.”

While LGBT advocates are celebrating the inevitable victory of same-sex marriage, there is a disturbing amount of silence about trans women who find themselves in similar situations or unjustly incarcerated in a men’s prison. People need to understand –now more than ever– that trans women are women and deserve the same treatment from the law (and society) that cisgender women do. With so many of us entrenched in the underground economy due to prejudice and circumstance, we deserve to know that if we do go to jail at least we’d be treated like the women we are.

(Originally posted on the Grooby Post)

Trans Mentality: One Woman’s Story From The Inside


Trans Mentality: One Woman’s Story From The Inside
by Victoria Darling

Author’s note: This story is 100% true. To protect the identity of my friend, her name has been changed to Pamela. This could be any trans woman who seeks assistance from a mental health facility, however. This article discusses institutionalized transmisogyny, gaslighting, misgendering, and transphobia. Appropriate trigger warnings apply.

I came home from running errands to three voice mails on my phone which I left charging on the night stand. Her tone went steadily from slightly annoyed to panicked and tearful. Just before arriving I received a text reading: “They are about to declare me 5150 because I’m asking to be released and they won’t let me go.”

I sat on a plastic bench which just was too uncomfortable to have not been designed to be that way, and about fifteen minutes later, my friend Pamela came out of the Restricted Area. Tears were still streaming day-old eyeliner down her cheeks, and she was clumsily carrying her stuffed bunny and a duffel bag. “Get me the fuck out of here…” she stated, striding half in fear, half in something I can’t to this day identify, out the door before I could even stand up.

Pamela is a trans woman who transitioned a little later in life than she would have liked. Gender dysphoria got the better of her at the age of 35 and she decided that she just couldn’t lie to the world any longer. After two years, she lost her job and hadn’t been able to find a new one. She’d been couch surfing for nearly a year and had tried camming for income, but for whatever reason, she wasn’t able to build a following. Adding to Pamela’s issues, she recently did not get a job she had really desired because she had been doxxed (doxxing is the practice of revealing another person’s personal information on the Internet) by a transphobic feminist, who had released her birth name along with a litany of libelous slander on several websites.

Depression was getting the better of Pamela. Suicidal thoughts became very prevalent with her, and on the advice of her psychologist she went to seek in-patient treatment at a mental health facility. I had dropped her off at the facility less than 24 hours before, and her demeanor then was one of guarded hope — like a child entering school for the first time. Now, as she was flinging her belongings over the seat, she was shaking and had a terrified look in her eyes. I started driving. After a few minutes she said, “That was officially the stupidest thing I could have ever done. They had zero interest in helping me. At all. All they did was gaslight and misgender me.”

I was silent for a bit, offended at the behavior just described to me being a trans woman myself. I knew Pam needed to talk, and being her friend, I needed to listen. We sat in silence for a few more minutes, and gradually, I coaxed Pam’s story from her.

When I dropped her off, it was nearly noon. She told me she wasn’t even admitted until seven hours later. Having sat in those torturous benches for only 15 minutes or so, I could see why she would be a little edgy. She’d been given a private room and was assured that her being transgender would not be an issue. “That was a fucking lie and a half,” she told me. “It was an issue. When the staff gendered me properly, it was condescending and patronizing. When they started calling me ‘sir’, I fucking lost it.”

She told me she’d been cleared to take her own medication, and use her electric razor in private as laser hair removal is only effective on dark hair. Evidently, neither of these happened. When it was time for her morning medication she was given Lexapro and Prazacin, but was denied her hormones because –apparently– there was not a pharmacist on staff who could confirm that the medications were what the labels claimed they were. It was Saturday, and Pam was told thaton Monday the pharmacist would be in, and the meds would be confirmed then. She was also told that the hospital she was at did not carry any of her medications. I am pretty certain that denying anyone their prescribed medication is not legal.

“They refused to even look at the pill description on the label, or use the pill identifier on drugs dot com,” she said with frustration.

Any physician who deals with trans patients will tell you that starting and stopping hormone therapy is very hard on the endocrine system, not to mention any negative psychological impacts which will vary wildly from patient to patient. Fact is, Pamela was already of precarious mental health. Being two hours late taking her hormones, when the nurse refused them to her explaining the meds needed to be verified, she had slammed her hand down on the counter and nearly screamed “NO! That’s NOT okay!” She was there on her own accord and she demanded to be released immediately. She was told “The psychiatrist needs to clear you. He’ll be out soon.”

She then requested to use her electric razor in the ladies room so she could get the bristling fuzz off her face. She was told that she would need to shave with a disposable razor provided by the hospital, and would need to shave in the public area where the men did. (I suspect this was about the time is when her first message was left on my phone.) “I’m NOT a MAN!” she yelled at the nurse, who stated that there is an M on her Medi-Cal card, and thus the nurse needed to uphold the male standards of care. “My ID says female”, she countered. “My BIRTH CERTIFICATE says FEMALE! I don’t know where the State got that information, but I have been fighting with them for weeks over it.”

This is when the nurse told her “Calm down sir. The psychiatrist will be with you soon.” At this point in her story even I wanted to give that nurse a more than furious talking-to. The Los Angeles LGBT Center recommended that facility as a safe space for trans people to get in-patient mental health treatment. Obviously, this was not going to happen. (I likely got the second call right around then.)

Pam explained that she had been told repeatedly that the psychiatrist would be with her “soon” for over an hour by this point. She’d been denied her hormones, her razor, her cosmetics, and by extension she’d been denied her femininity. “I told them that I knew I was being gaslighted, and I told them it wasn’t going to work,” she said to me. She was able to gain access to her own phone (the prior calls were from the payphone they had in the hall) and the message she left was heartbreaking. It was a meek voice, swimming in tears that simply said “Victoria… please come get me…”

Between then and my arrival, Pam had asked one more time to see the doctor who could release her. Again she was told the doctor would be with her “…soon…” The nurse had been playing this little game for nearly two hours.

That’s when she broke. Shaking and tearful, she demanded that they not play this game with her, and again was told to calm down. “YOU DON’T TELL A WOMAN TO CALM DOWN WHEN SHE’S ANGRY!” she screamed. “You should know that better than anyone.” That’s when the orderlies were called to take her to the 5150 wing. Pam began walking calmly to her room. The orderlies followed her calling out “Sir, we can do this the easy way or the hard way.”

Pam told me that if she’d been told it would take an hour or two at the beginning, she simply would have gone to her room and read her book while she waited. “The constant ‘sooning’ was a way to keep gaslighting me, just so they could hold me against my will. I’m sure of it,” she stated.

I’m not a ‘sir’, she said to herself silently. The orderlies were called off, which was very fortunate for Pam, as it would have made my fetching her so much more complicated. After about 15 minutes, she told me, the psychiatrist who could release her entered her room, flanked by orderlies who — she said — misgendered her yet again. She sat cross-legged on her bed, tears rolling down her cheek, clutching her stuffed bunny. “Let me go home,” she stated calmly.

“Your file says you are suicidal,” the doctor stated.
“I have suicidal ideations, which are a symptom of something else. I’m here for a diagnosis. I’m not going to kill myself,” Pam told the doctor.
“I have the power to hold you here,” he said.
“Please. Just let me go,” Pam replied calmly and tearfully, repressing the urge to strangle him for threatening her. She was pushed to the point of sheer panic, and being restrained against her will is a deep and primal fear she has. She knew this, and recognized again that he too, was trying to gaslight her in order to keep her there. (She was shaking again when she told me this part of her tale, panic in her eyes.)

Thirty minutes later was when I saw Pam coming out the door. She would have come out sooner, but it took them 25 minutes to get her hormones back to her. The nurses kept claiming that there were no medications brought in with her, and they didn’t have any more of her possessions. (This by the way, is an excellent example of gaslighting. Both were lies.)

I am outraged over what happened to my friend at a supposed “trans-friendly” space. The Los Angeles LGBT Center has taken action, filing a formal complaint with several authorities against that facility, and they have suspended recommending any patient for treatment there until appropriate education for the staff can take place.

As for Pam, she’s in the process of finding another place to live, and is still unable to locate work. Since coming out trans, she has been a target for transphobic feminists, societal prejudice against trans women, and a victim of institutionalized transphobia. The terrible truth is she could be any trans woman, and we need to work together to make this kind of treatment a rarity rather than the rule.

Victoria Darling

After transitioning in 2011, Victoria moved to Los Angeles where she and long-time friend Niki Flux founded the blog site TransEthics. Victoria interviews trans people from around the world and is a major supporter of sex workers’ and trans rights. Visit her website at Trans Ethics.